Mike
What's Your Name?
I’d be embarrassed to count the number of times that it has happened. I meet someone new at church or at an event, and as I’m walking away, I realize that I’ve already forgotten their name. The truth is that the name never lodged in the memory bank of my brain because I was too busy thinking of what I would say next or too distracted by something else around me.
Perhaps this is just my personal failing, but my observation is that many church and ministry leaders commit an even more serious mistake. In the moments when important decisions are being made, many leaders are not paying full attention to what others are saying. Instead, these leaders are “reloading,” readying the next round of their argument to support their position. Or they are shifting into a defensive mode because they feel attacked. Or they too are distracted, thinking about the meeting that they just left or the one they’re about to go to.
This failure to listen fully is easy to understand. Pastors, in particular, are seemingly trained and paid to speak, not to listen. And reloading or defending are natural human tendencies. But we need to be aware that these behaviors virtually guarantee that our decisions will be less than optimal and that our leadership teams will be frequently frustrated.
If this blog strikes a chord, then let me invite you to remember some simple practices that you’ve learned in the past:
- Paraphrase what you’ve heard someone else say before responding.
- Monitor your own defensiveness and anxiety, and when you feel it rising, slow down before speaking.
- Invite trusted colleagues to gently question you when you don’t appear to be fully engaged.
I can remember that new acquaintance’s name if I just pay attention. And you can hear more fully if you do the same.
It’s easy to receive my blogs by email. Just sign-up on Feedburner by clicking here.
]]>
