great and godly leadership | Mike Bonem

Numbers Don’t Lie … Do They?

Mike — Tue, 31 Dec 2013 00:08:29 +0000

The end of the year means a variety of things in most organizations – the crunch of Advent in churches, end-of-year giving for any non-profit, preparing for a new year, and hopefully a little holiday rest at some point. It also means closing the books – not only on financials but also on other quantitative measures. When the trend lines are moving up and to the right, everything is good. Right? What should a leader do if he or she is looking at a set of positive metrics, but has a nagging doubt that something isn’t quite right? My short answer is to pay attention to that gut feel. Several years ago, I had a conversation with a pastor who had faced this question about the small group ministry in his mega-church. Participation in small groups was growing rapidly, but he sensed that it wasn’t producing the fruit that the church wanted and needed. So they completely dismantled the small group process and started from scratch. He looks back on that decision as a catalyst for the church’s continued numerical and spiritual growth. Numbers are important, but they don’t tell the whole story. Many leaders are blessed with an intuition about whether or not things are going well in their organizations. Leaders need to listen to that inner voice. That doesn’t mean ignoring numbers, but it does mean looking at more than numbers. It means involving others in the conversation if things don’t seem quite right. It means digging deeper to see if there is evidence that a hunch is accurate. And it certainly means praying that God will bring things to light that may be hidden. As you close out 2013 and prepare for 2014, I hope that you’ll spend as much time reflecting on those intangibles (positive and negative) as you do analyzing the quantitative factors. It’s easy to receive my blogs by email. Just sign-up on Feedburner by clicking here.]]>

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Be Honest

Mike — Tue, 17 Dec 2013 11:00:20 +0000

In my November newsletter, I briefly described three answers that I often give when I hear of tension within a senior leadership team. This blog expands on the final of those answers. One of the hardest things to do when relationships are strained is to be honest. First and second chairs typically are well aware that there is some level of discord. They know, and often others know as well, but no one wants to talk about it. And yet if the issue is not discussed, it is very unlikely that it will get better. That’s why “be honest” is the third bit of advice that I frequently offer when leadership teams are struggling. I understand that there are reasons to hold back. There’s the fear that the other person will react poorly – a first chair may get angry and fire a subordinate; a second chair may be hurt and decide to look for another job. Either may get defensive or resort to some sort of passive aggressive behavior. These are all legitimate reasons, but they need to be overcome because there’s no reason to think that the relationship will magically improve if you don’t talk. If you’re convinced that you need to be honest but aren’t sure how, here are a couple of simple ideas:

Step into the shallow end first. Start with something simple like “it seems like we’re struggling to get on the same page.” This allows you to see if the other person is also concerned and gauge their reaction. Don’t immediately jump into the deep end, saying something like, “It’s obvious that you don’t trust me.”
Own your part. Relationships are always two-way. Go into the conversation with the possibility that may be part of the problem. Ask how you’ve contributed to the relational damage.
Remember your shared goals. At the start of the conversation, affirm your desire to build a strong relationship and to see the organization excel. If you assume that the other person already knows that you believe this, you’ve missed a chance to reinforce your common foundation.
It’s not “one and done.” In most cases, by the time a person decides to have this honest conversation, the relational issues have been going on for a while. That means that you probably can’t “fix” the problem in one conversation. In fact, you may not even be able to discuss all the problems in one conversation. Only cover as much in one conversation as the other person can reasonably handle. Be willing to talk as many times as necessary.

Finally, borrowing an axiom from Bill Hybels, be willing to say the last 10%. Too often, we’ll be mostly honest – that is we’ll say some of what’s on our mind but we’ll shrink back from saying the final thing that may be most important. If it’s important, even if it’s hard, find a way to be honest about 100% of what truly matters. It’s easy to receive my blogs by email. Just sign-up on Feedburner by clicking here.]]>

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Be Patient

Mike — Thu, 12 Dec 2013 14:15:45 +0000

In my November newsletter, I briefly described three answers that I often give when I hear of tension within a senior leadership team. This blog expands on the second of those answers. How long did it take for the relationship with your best friend to become what it is today? Or if you’re married, for you and your spouse to get to the point where you could anticipate how the other would react to a situation? It takes time, doesn’t it? And there’s no way to compress that time from months into minutes, no matter how hard you try. We know this is true for a variety of relationships, but people often seem to think that a different set of rules is in effect for the relationship between first and second chair leaders. They expect to reach that point of hand-in-glove partnership within a few weeks or months at most. Perhaps they think that this is a “working relationship” that is defined around job descriptions. Or perhaps they just feel an urgency that the relationshipo must develop quickly, even if they know that’s not realistic. Unfortunately, having this kind of unrealistic expectation will increase the tension between first and second chairs, not smooth it out. Notice that the need to be patient goes in both directions. A second chair needs to be patient when he/she feels that authority isn’t being delegated quickly enough or trust isn’t being given readily enough. A first chair needs to be patient when he/she feels that the second chair isn’t getting up to speed soon enough. Leaders need to think in terms of calendars not stopwatches, gourmet meals not microwave dinners. As you think about your own context, can you paint a picture of what the ideal first-second chair relationship would look like? As I talk to leaders in a variety of settings, I hear this ideal expressed in things like:

The second chair anticipates what the first chair needs before he/she even says anything.
The first chair truly understands the second chair’s strengths, and uses them fully.
The second chair would be trusted to lead an important meeting if the first chair was called away for a last minute emergency.
They can each complete the other’s sentences.

So how are you doing? Do you have a clear picture of your ideal? How close are you to meeting it? If there’s a big gap, what will you do to shrink it? Part of the answer is to be honest, which is the third bit of advice that I’ll cover in my next blog. It’s easy to receive my blogs by email. Just sign-up on Feedburner by clicking here.]]>

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David and Goliath

Mike — Tue, 10 Dec 2013 20:38:37 +0000

You know the story, but have you ever argued that David walked into the battle with an advantage? (Other than the ultimate advantage of having God on his side.) Malcolm Gladwell’s newest book, David and Goliath, makes just that argument. And not just about David, but about underdogs in general. You get a hint in his subtitle: “Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants.” Gladwell has a masterful knack for surprising readers with unconventional wisdom. He does it in a way that is backed by substantial academic research (by other experts) and yet is extremely readable. In David and Goliath, Gladwell argues that it can actually be an advantage to be an underdog. And perhaps more importantly, that the things that we consider to be advantages often work against us. For Goliath, his size and armor made him slow and immobile, an easy target for an accurately aimed rock. During “The Troubles” in Northern Ireland, the British assumed that using the might of the army would quickly repress any rebellion, but instead it incited a kind of resistance that they couldn’t easily stop. In contrast, Gladwell cites examples of underdogs whose remarkable successes came because they didn’t do things the conventional way. They knew they couldn’t “win” by following the normal “rules,” so these underdogs beat the odds by creating different sets of rules that played to their advantage. They discovered cures for cancer, changed the course of the civil rights movement, and took a group of basketball neophytes to a national championship. David and Goliath will cause anyone in a position of leadership to pause. After all, how often do we accept the conventional wisdom about what gives us an advantage (or puts us at a disadvantage)? As Gladwell says in the subtitle of one chapter: “You wouldn’t wish dyslexia on your child. Or would you?” It’s easy to receive my blogs by email. Just sign-up on Feedburner by clicking here.]]>

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Be a Student

Mike — Thu, 05 Dec 2013 11:00:59 +0000

In my November newsletter, I briefly described three answers that I often give when I hear of tension within a senior leadership team. This blog expands on the first of those answers. I don’t know how many times that a second chair leader has confided of a less than ideal relationship with a first chair: “We’re just not on the same page.” They are not saying that the relationship is broken, nor are they saying that their boss is a tyrant. They’re simply saying that the levels of trust and teamwork and shared decision-making are not what they’d like. In these situations, it’s tempting to put all the responsibility on the first chair. After all, he or she is the one who decides how much to delegate to others. But my first bit of advice puts the burden back on the second chair: be a student. Be a student of your first chair leader. The more that you can understand him or her, the better you’ll be able to get on the same page and thrive in the second chair. I remember seeing the counter-example of this played out in on one staff. The first chair led the weekly staff meetings. Some weeks the meetings took all morning, as the team joked and talked and argued, and the first chair joined right in. But other times, it was obvious that he had something else on his mind, and he wanted to finish the meeting quickly. I say it was “obvious,” but apparently it wasn’t to one team member, who wanted to talk and argue just as much on these days. Had he simply been a better student, he would have earned much more respect from the first chair. Here are some questions that a good student asks (and answers) about his or her first chair:

What kind of news most excites him/her?
What kind of news puts him/her on edge?
What kind of rhythm does he/she prefer in meetings? For example, start with small talk or dive straight into the issue(s)? Send a list of topics in advance, have a written agenda, or keep it more free flowing?
Does he/she make decisions quickly or slowly? What factors are most important in these decisions?
What qualifies as “important” information that needs to be communicated immediately?
How does he/she prefer to receive bad news?
How far can you run on your own with a major decision? When do you need to check in?
What is the best way to earn trust?

I’m sure that you can think of many more questions. Never stop learning – keep asking and answering. Here’s one final thought: This is a relationship that is not symmetrical – you have to be a student, but you can’t demand that your first chair do likewise. Just do your part, and see how much your relationship improves. It’s easy to receive my blogs by email. Just sign-up on Feedburner by clicking here.]]>

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Doorbusters

Mike — Tue, 03 Dec 2013 16:00:24 +0000

Have you ever thought about the irony of “doorbusters.” The very word, used for those incredible bargains on Black Friday, implies that people will bust down the door to get to the merchandise. They’re widely advertised on Thanksgiving Day, when we should be giving thanks rather than whetting our shopping appetites. And then, when crowds of people start to behave like unruly mobs, we’re appalled. In other words, when people bust the doors to get to the doorbusters, we’re shocked and outraged. Language matters. As leaders, what we emphasize matters. If a church puts its emphasis on “membership” and lowers the barriers to joining, then the leaders shouldn’t be surprised when commitment levels are low among many of their members. The bar was lowered before they even joined. You may think you’d never do this, but have you ever said, “It’s easy to join” or “Just sign this card” or “It’s OK if you miss 1 or 2 of our membership classes.” Perhaps membership isn’t your issue, but there is probably at least one area where your language has some unintended consequences. Not that language can automatically change everything. If a store claims advertises a doorbuster, but consumers know that the price isn’t a bargain, the store loses credibility in the eyes of consumers. In the same way, leaders and their organizations get in trouble when their walk doesn’t match their talk. In these cases, the leader’s best course of action is to acknowledge the gap between an aspiration and reality, and then make closing the gap a priority. This week, take an inventory of the things that you emphasize. Have you inadvertently pointed in some unhealthy directions? Do your words line up with the values and priorities that are exhibited within your organization? It’s easy to receive my blogs by email. Just sign-up on Feedburner by clicking here.]]>

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Are You Thankful?

Mike — Tue, 26 Nov 2013 11:00:35 +0000

This seems like a rather predictable title for a blog during the week of Thanksgiving. But I want to ask a different question than the one that you may be anticipating. I’m not asking what you are thankful for. Rather, I’m asking if you are a thankful person? We will all give thanks in some way on Thanksgiving. It seems unChristian and un-American to not do so. But far fewer of us practice an attitude of thankfulness throughout the year. An attitude of thankfulness appreciates the small things in life. It looks for the positives in the midst of situations that aren’t so positive. It expresses appreciation for other people. It conveys a joyful and hopeful spirit that is contagious for everyone that it touches. I will admit that this doesn’t come naturally for me. I have to work at it. Far too often, I see the glass as half empty. I forget to celebrate a victory because I’m too busy pressing ahead to the next challenge. And yet God has been working on me and has given me some glimpses into how I can live with an attitude of thankfulness. When my daughter’s car broke down on the way to school the other day, my immediate reaction was frustration. I had a busy day ahead and this was going to force me to miss at least one meeting. Then God reminded me of the positives: she was safe, the problem with the car was minor, I have a trusted mechanic, I was in town rather than traveling. So I gave thanks for these things. During a recent run, I was moaning (to myself) about the reality of an aging body that can’t do what it did 20 years ago. Then God reminded me to be thankful for great health and for the ability to run at all, and from there He continued to bring things to mind for which I needed to give thanks. I know that these two personal incidents are minor inconveniences at best. Some of you are dealing with terribly difficult circumstances in your personal or professional lives. I’ve had difficult seasons, and I know that it’s not easy to be thankful when your world is crumbling around you. And yet Paul instructs that “in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Phil 4:7). My real focus in writing this blog, however, is those of us who tend to let one small event become a dark cloud over the entire day. If that’s you, let me encourage you to not just give thanks on Thursday, but to cultivate an attitude of thankfulness that is never-ending. You’ll be surprised at the difference it makes, for you and those around you. It’s easy to receive my blogs by email. Just sign-up on Feedburner by clicking here.]]>

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Puppies and Dogs

Mike — Tue, 19 Nov 2013 11:00:18 +0000

“I want a puppy.” I don’t know how many times I’ve heard that from my teen-age daughter. Who can blame her? Puppies are cute and playful and energetic and fun. I don’t know anyone that doesn’t enjoy a puppy. On the other hand, it’s a much smaller portion of the population that loves dogs. Dog lovers would describe the companionship and loyalty of “man’s best friend,” but they wouldn’t use the same descriptors as for a puppy. When it comes to investing time and leadership capital, some people are drawn to “puppies.” They’re focused on the new program or idea. They’re excited about the energy that this can infuse into the organization. They thrive on the creative process and imagining all the possibilities of what can happen. There’s nothing wrong with this … up to a point. If someone brought home a puppy, but failed to housetrain it or care for it once it became a mature dog, we’d call them irresponsible. The same for someone who bought puppy after puppy until the house was overrun. Leaders need to initiate. They need to ask what’s next so that the organization doesn’t become stagnant. But they also need to make sure that plans are in place so that their new initiatives reach fruition. That doesn’t mean that one person has to do it all. If you’re the “puppy-loving” kind of leader, you know that you don’t thrive or excel at the tasks required to see an idea to full maturity – planning the details, creating the systems, anticipating the obstacles. Just make sure that you have a team of “dog lovers” who can do this. Give them the permission and resources that they need. And don’t be in too big of a hurry to bring a new puppy into the organization – your team may still be cleaning up the messes from the last one. It’s easy to receive my blogs by email. Just sign-up on Feedburner by clicking here.]]>

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