control | Mike Bonem

Are You Trying to Control Too Much?

Mike Bonem — Tue, 09 Jun 2026 16:51:24 +0000

I was taking a walk between Zoom calls when I noticed something unusual just ahead. Six leaves were swirling in a circle a few inches off the ground. They reminded me of a carnival carousel, continuing their dance in the same place for well over a minute. While I’m sure a scientist could explain this phenomenon, it seemed almost magical to me.

Much of the leadership that we learn and practice focuses on control. Discern a vision and the plans to get there. Identify the levers to pull to achieve a desired outcome. Direct the human and financial resources based on the plan. Remove the obstacles that could impede progress.

As someone who loves a good plan, I won’t say that charting this kind of course is improper. After all, leaders should be wise stewards. Planning enables us to make good use of the precious resources of time and talent that have been entrusted to us.

But the swirling leaves remind us of how much we don’t understand and can’t anticipate. Even as we plan, we need to remember another central truth of leadership: we are not in control. Sure, there may be a variety of actions we can take to influence others and to move our church or ministry forward, but there is much more that is out of our hands. As we’re reminded in Proverbs, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails” (Prov. 19:21).

For those of us who like to be in control, our response to a disruption in plans is often to grab reins even tighter, double down on our efforts, and work ourselves to exhaustion. Could a better response be to hold plans more loosely and allow room for spontaneity? Shouldn’t we pause long enough to ask what God might be doing and what we can learn in the moment? As we do that, we may gain fresh perspective on our leadership challenges. And we might even join in the dance with whatever leaves are swirling ahead of us.

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The Lure of Control

Mike Bonem — Fri, 18 Nov 2022 10:30:00 +0000

We love our neighborhood, but it was built over 70 years ago. That means aging infrastructure problems are common. The most recent event was when water started gushing beside our neighbor’s driveway from a broken water line. The city responded quickly and sent a crew to fix the leak. But what struck me was how closely our neighbor “supervised” the work. For several hours, he stood outside, keeping a close eye on the workers as if he had expertise to contribute (which he doesn’t).

Attempting to take control when we shouldn’t is a serious leadership mistake. For people in positions of authority, the lure of control is powerful. After all, leaders know the buck stops with them. It’s only a small step to go from the reality of responsibility to a misguided attempt to be in control.

If this resonates with you, consider three reasons to release the reins of control:

Your time is a valuable resource that cannot be replaced. Time spent on any task that could be handled by someone else is time that can’t be spent on activities that only you can do.
Misguided attempts at control are frustrating. You will be frustrated when you realize that you’ve wasted time or that control is out of your grasp. More importantly, your insistence on control will frustrate others, causing them to feel distrusted and disempowered.
Better outcomes can be achieved. No leader has all the expertise and all the answers. Disregarding input from people with different perspectives and experiences will lead to poor decisions. Passing a task to someone who “doesn’t do it like I would” doesn’t mean their approach is flawed.

Clearly my neighbor’s efforts were futile. (Despite his “supervision,” the crew had to come back and redo the repair.) But even if control is possible, that doesn’t mean that you should step in. Organizational challenges, just like broken water lines, are an unavoidable part of leadership. The problems may be uncontrollable, but you can control whether you try to exert control.

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"I've Got This"

Mike — Tue, 29 Oct 2019 11:04:48 +0000

I was recently in the Florida panhandle to lead a learning cohort for senior pastors. Our overnight meeting was at a beach hotel, so I got up a little before sunrise for a walk on the beach. The horizon gradually grew brighter and more colorful, and then the first part of that glowing orange ball came into view. I don’t think that I will ever get tired of watching a beautiful sunrise or sunset.

On that particular morning, the sunrise was also an important spiritual experience for me. As I turned to walk back toward my hotel, God’s Spirit whispered to my soul, “I’ve got this. I took care of the sunrise you just saw, and I’ll take care of all the burdens that you’re carrying … if you’ll give them to me.”

It was a much needed reminder for me. I’m well aware of my tendencies toward control and perfectionism. I can easily become the poster child for the old saying, “If you want a job done right, do it yourself.” The problem is that I can’t do it all myself. And I especially can’t control the ultimate outcomes of my work as a coach and consultant, or as a parent.

This blog has mostly been confessional, but I know that it’s also applicable for many of the leaders that I work with. You want your church or ministry to thrive and to live into its full potential. But that genuine, God-honoring desire can easily cause you to cross the line from being a faithful steward of the leadership gifts that God has given you to feeling like everything depends on you. You find yourself saying “I’ve got this” more often than you should.

I started writing this blog in the Denver airport, waiting to see if I could get a standby spot on an early flight to be home for a family event. There was absolutely nothing I could do to clear the standby list – I just had to sit and wait. I’m finishing this blog sitting on the last seat that was available on that flight, looking at the beauty of the Rocky Mountains, and hearing God say again, “I’ve got this.”

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