control | Mike Bonem https://mikebonem.com consultant, coach, speaker, author Sat, 12 Nov 2022 17:37:44 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9.4 https://mikebonem.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Icon.png control | Mike Bonem https://mikebonem.com 32 32 The Lure of Control https://mikebonem.com/lure-of-control/ https://mikebonem.com/lure-of-control/#respond Fri, 18 Nov 2022 10:30:00 +0000 https://mikebonem.com/?p=5991 It’s only a small step to go from the reality of responsibility to a misguided attempt to be in control.

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controlWe love our neighborhood, but it was built over 70 years ago. That means aging infrastructure problems are common. The most recent event was when water started gushing beside our neighbor’s driveway from a broken water line. The city responded quickly and sent a crew to fix the leak. But what struck me was how closely our neighbor “supervised” the work. For several hours, he stood outside, keeping a close eye on the workers  as if he had expertise to contribute (which he doesn’t).

Attempting to take control when we shouldn’t is a serious leadership mistake. For people in positions of authority, the lure of control is powerful. After all, leaders know the buck stops with them. It’s only a small step to go from the reality of responsibility to a misguided attempt to be in control.

If this resonates with you, consider three reasons to release the reins of control:

  • Your time is a valuable resource that cannot be replaced. Time spent on any task that could be handled by someone else is time that can’t be spent on activities that only you can do.
  • Misguided attempts at control are frustrating. You will be frustrated when you realize that you’ve wasted time or that control is out of your grasp. More importantly, your insistence on control will frustrate others, causing them to feel distrusted and disempowered.
  • Better outcomes can be achieved. No leader has all the expertise and all the answers. Disregarding input from people with different perspectives and experiences will lead to poor decisions. Passing a task to someone who “doesn’t do it like I would” doesn’t mean their approach is flawed.

Clearly my neighbor’s efforts were futile. (Despite his “supervision,” the crew had to come back and redo the repair.) But even if control is possible, that doesn’t mean that you should step in. Organizational challenges, just like broken water lines, are an unavoidable part of leadership. The problems may be uncontrollable, but you can control whether you try to exert control.

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I was recently in the Florida panhandle to lead a learning cohort for senior pastors. Our overnight meeting was at a beach hotel, so I got up a little before sunrise for a walk on the beach. The horizon gradually grew brighter and more colorful, and then the first part of that glowing orange ball came into view. I don’t think that I will ever get tired of watching a beautiful sunrise or sunset. 

On that particular morning, the sunrise was also an important spiritual experience for me. As I turned to walk back toward my hotel, God’s Spirit whispered to my soul, “I’ve got this. I took care of the sunrise you just saw, and I’ll take care of all the burdens that you’re carrying … if you’ll give them to me.”

It was a much needed reminder for me. I’m well aware of my tendencies toward control and perfectionism. I can easily become the poster child for the old saying, “If you want a job done right, do it yourself.” The problem is that I can’t do it all myself. And I especially can’t control the ultimate outcomes of my work as a coach and consultant, or as a parent.

This blog has mostly been confessional, but I know that it’s also applicable for many of the leaders that I work with. You want your church or ministry to thrive and to live into its full potential. But that genuine, God-honoring desire can easily cause you to cross the line from being a faithful steward of the leadership gifts that God has given you to feeling like everything depends on you. You find yourself saying “I’ve got this” more often than you should.

I started writing this blog in the Denver airport, waiting to see if I could get a standby spot on an early flight to be home for a family event. There was absolutely nothing I could do to clear the standby list – I just had to sit and wait. I’m finishing this blog sitting on the last seat that was available on that flight, looking at the beauty of the Rocky Mountains, and hearing God say again, “I’ve got this.”

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