Mike Bonem
I didn’t publish my regular e-newsletter in June. It’s the first time I’ve skipped a month in almost 10 years. The reason is not a lack of ideas or dwindling reader interest. Rather, I was working my way through a long “to do” list before a much anticipated vacation, and I chose to cut the enews so that I could complete the other tasks and be ready for our trip.
What’s my point? I hated to break my streak of monthly newsletters, but the pressure to keep it going was totally self-imposed. Even though I receive encouraging feedback on my articles, I doubt any of you noticed one less email in June. I’m not fishing for compliments. I’m using this story because it is a perfect example of how easily we can become our own worst enemies by creating unnecessary pressure for ourselves.
Leaders experience all kinds of pressure. External pressure can be created by people, such as a demanding board or frustrated staff, or by an existential threat, such as a pandemic or an economic crisis. But the pressure that is most unrelenting and soul-crushing is often internally generated. It’s the “never enough” song on auto-play in our minds.
One version of this is the pressure to perform, to set and then exceed a goal. I’m a fan of goals. When used properly, a goal focuses an organization’s resources and energies and leads to important learning regardless of the outcome. When used poorly, goals become cruel taskmasters that are never satisfied, as if taunting the leader with, “Is that the best you can do?”
A second pressure, the pressure to be present, can be even more dangerous. It’s the little voice saying “you can’t miss that meeting” or “you need to preach every week” or “no one else can handle that pastoral need.” A leader’s presence in the right moments can be catalytic, but the pressure to be present treats all moments as equal and promotes the myth that you are indispensable.
Self-imposed pressures are often expressed as if they were external. Phrases such as “what will people think if I’m not there” or “they are demanding results” are often ways to rationalize the expectations we’ve put on ourselves. I may say “people expect to get my enews every month,” but it’s more accurate say “people enjoy my enews.” The latter is true, and the former is a distortion that creates pressure.
Leaders don’t become successful without a drive that pushes them to be their best, a drive that always creates internal pressure. But before you say this is just how you are wired, pause to examine the source and the impact of the pressure you are feeling.
