Making Up Stories

My wife has an uncanny ability to read people. She picks up things in their tone of voice, mannerisms, gestures, and dress that I never notice. And she’s almost always right. This leads to an entertaining game. When we’re waiting in a public place – a hotel lobby, airport terminal, restaurant – I ask her what story she has made up about someone. It’s usually a good one – not outlandish, but a plausible construction based on what she has observed. Not all of us are this keen in our observation skills, but I most of us are prone to making up stories about other people. When we meet someone the first time, we make a snap judgment. It may be based on the clothes they wear, their accent, how they address us, or any number of other things. I’m sure that a social scientist or psychologist could give a full explanation for why we do this. From my perspective, it’s a combination of good and impure motives – genuinely wanting to know how to best interact with the person mixed with some defensiveness and/or trying to gain the upper hand. If you think the purpose of this blog is to convince you not to make up stories, you’re wrong. I don’t think there’s anything I can say to change that behavior, and I actually see value in it up to a point. But I would like to convince you to not believe all the stories that you make up. The real problem, as I see it, is that we hold onto those stories well beyond that first meeting, even when confronted with evidence that should change our mind. A first impression can lead to a broad generalization that isn’t easily dislodged. Someone walks into a meeting a minute late and has forgotten the handouts, and we label them as scattered and disorganized. From there, we generalize that they are not to be trusted with anything important, unless they prove themselves by some herculean effort. Or someone else’s pattern of speech indicates that they are well-educated, so we decide that everything they say must be true. The choice is yours. Continue to make up all the stories that you want. Just be careful about which stories you actually believe. It’s easy to receive my blogs by email. Just sign-up on Feedburner by clicking here.]]>